


Last Song

by massuneko



Category: VIXX
Genre: Implied Ravi/Leo, Implied Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-12
Updated: 2017-08-12
Packaged: 2018-12-14 12:45:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11783439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/massuneko/pseuds/massuneko
Summary: Taekwoon had been running away from the truth for years, but he finally decided to face it.





	Last Song

**Author's Note:**

> I had a very bad dream I woke up crying, but that dream felt very much like a fic prompt I ended up writing it down. Mostly only word-vomit and vague memories I have of that nightmare. Hopefully this is good enough.

It was finally time for Taekwoon to sing the second last song for that night’s event. It had been years since the last time he sang it in public, on the stage, in front of the audiences. Although he had been practicing for months, he still didn’t feel ready at all. He thought that he might never will, but he also knew that he must do it anyway. So when he got the cue to go back on stage, to his starting position in front of the piano, he braced himself and moved forward although his heart felt as cold as ice.

His hands were still shaking when the stage lights were lit up again. Usually, he would be able to hear the audience’s shriek as the intro was played. But that night, everything was silent. They all knew that intro, and what’s the meaning of that song.

For some reasons, the silence made Taekwoon felt more relaxed. It was as if he was only rehearsing, singing and playing the piano for himself—

—And for the man that was not seen anywhere on that stage as the recording of his part was played. The dancers seemed to be doing their part with absolute composure, although Taekwoon knew that they’re probably breaking inside as well. As for himself, he chose to fix his gaze to the black and white keys, skillfully and flawlessly playing the tune until his fingers stopped shaking.

Singing the parts where he only needed to sit at the piano was easy. He could just close his eyes and pretended that his partner was there on the stage with him, and not some recording being played because he couldn’t be there. But as soon as he got to the part where he had to leave the piano, walking to the center of the stage where he couldn’t see the familiar figure standing there, he felt a painful sting in his heart.

He continued still, following the lyrics and the music, although his body followed the wrong choreography. Whether it’s an old habit kicking in, or he simply still couldn’t accept the truth, he moved as if the other man was there. The obvious hollow sent the audiences crying, although they still tried their hardest not to make any noises.

Then, he reached the part that sent him overflowing memories of their times together. As Taekwoon raised his note key by key, he remembered how the other half-jokingly said that they should use the five-key note he showed off just then rather than the usual four-key. He also remembered how he nervously asked him to spare his voice, and how they never actually used it in any of their live performance.

_“I still want to try it sometime, though, hyung.”_

With the memory of his playful grin, he raised his voice up to the fifth key, as if he was hoping that the heaven could hear his cry.

“It’s a beautiful pain letting you go. It’s killing me; I swallow my tears and put on a smiling mask.”

At this point, Taekwoon really wanted to hate this song, this lyric, and this person who created it. His voice was shaking, overflowing with raw emotion as he cried “Liar!” out loud, just as how he did when he received the news.

_“It can’t be true! I saw him sitting at our table there, watching us—”_

_“Sorry, Leo, you saw it wrong—”_

_“—he was smiling at us—”_

_“—Taekwoon, no, it’s not him you saw—”_

_“—he was there the whole time we performed—”_

_“DAMN IT, JUNG TAEKWOON!! Listen! He’s gone! He didn’t even make it to the hospital after that car crash!”_

_“No, you’re wrong! You’re lying!”_

_“Do I look like I’m lying to you right now?! Fine! See him yourself!”_

Taekwoon reached out to the empty space on the stage, feeling how his heart froze—

_—just like when he unveiled the white sheet covering Wonshik’s face. He looked peaceful, as if he was sleeping._

_“Ravi…?” Taekwoon called out his stage name softly, just as how he always did when there were other people with them. When he didn’t get any respond, he called out louder, “Wonshik?”_

_Even with that, there was no response. Then, like a curious child, he bent down to press his ear to Wonshik’s chest. There was no playful laughter that followed afterwards, no sound of drumming heartbeat that matched his own, and he felt as if his whole world crumbled down._

As if repeating that very moment on that very day, Taekwoon dropped to his knees, his overflowing tears rained down on the dark stage. Since the song was over, he could finally hear audible sobbing and whining from the audiences, which clenched his heart even further. But he had made a promise to give them explanation about the things he did since a few years back, so he inhaled deeply and mustered up his strength to stand once again even though it was painful.

The stage was lit up, revealing Taekwoon standing there alone. With hushed voice, which was also a little hoarse from the song just then, he greeted the audiences just like how he rehearsed it. He went on autopilot mode, speaking out the script he had memorized for that night.

“I received many questions about why I decided to quit VIXX, even after everyone gave me more than enough time to recuperate. I admit that I did it selfishly, because after all, I don’t think I can sing the songs Ravi—” Even only mentioning his name was enough to make him lose his voice. He pulled the microphone away from his lips, bowing down as he tried to catch his breath. In the past, when he could no longer continue with his speech, Wonshik would be quick to pick it up and finished what he started. But those moments had long gone, so he took a deep breath and tried to continue although his voice was threatening to give up anytime.

“At that time, I didn’t think I can sing the songs Ravi made.” He managed to continue. “When we practiced the song and choreography without him that time, I still could manage it since I thought that he would be back after a month or two since he only sprained his ankle during the dance practice. I wasn’t prepared to do it permanently after that accident.”

Taekwoon paused again to take deep breaths, trying to suppress the tears that had started to well up on his eyes, but no avail. “I have yet to apologize to N-hyung, who had to literally drag me up from my room and forced me to function like an actual human being. Also to Hongbin and Hyukie, whom I often yelled at because I thought that they couldn’t do Ravi’s parts as good as Ravi did. And to Ken, who has to take over my parts after I selfishly decided to leave VIXX. For all the Starlights that had to deal with my selfishness, too, I owe you my apology.”

Another pause, and another deep breath to steady his crumbling state. He tried to remember his script although his mind was already full of mess. “For the past few years, I pretended that I was okay, all while running away from anything that might remind me of Ravi. But a few months ago, I finally realized that… That this is not right. He didn’t deserve this kind of treatment from me. He—” Taekwoon took another pause, since his voice was giving up once again. “I want him and his songs to be remembered.”

Taekwoon wiped the tears that had already rolled down with his sleeve, although it was useless since they kept on coming. “Ravi, he… There was a song he wrote and composed just before… it happened. It was supposed to be VIXX LR’s new song, co-written and co-composed with me. But for years, I never managed to fill up the empty part. In the end, all I can do is just rearranging it so that I can sing it out.”

After some more pause and deep breaths, Taekwoon finally raised up his gaze to meet the audiences once more. The song and the long talk had finally lifted off the burden in his chest, making him felt free for the first time in so many years chained up in sorrow.

“For everyone who loves and supports us, this last song is for you.”


End file.
